old {and young} wives’ tales: encouraging others in marriage: Part Two- Military Spouses

January 31, 2012 by

I am so excited for this series on marriage! Currently, I have guest bloggers for every Tuesday until March 6! Praise God- I can’t wait to see what everyone has to share and what we can learn from them!

Today’s guest is Joann from World of Hazel Eyes. As soon as I put out the call for the need for guest bloggers, Joann e-mailed me willing to step up! She is a military wife and I knew that I would love to hear her advice on being separated from one’s spouse for extended periods. I have always admired women who are able to hold down the home front while their spouses are away serving our country. I found out this summer that I do not do well alone, so the next time my husband goes on a mission trip, I’ll be sure to use some of her ideas!

Being a Military family and getting through seperation
Hello! My name is Joann and I am a military Marine Corps wife. We were born and raised in Miami, FL. Our first military move was cross country all the way to beautiful San Diego, CA. 3 years later we were relocated to Fort Worth, TX.

Julian, Joann, and Dave


My first deployment was 2 weeks after we were married. 6 months apart. At this point it was just me and the hubby. Luckily, Dave was deployed to Japan where he was able to buy a cell phone and use magic jack. To make time go by quickly I applied for a second job and spent most of my time working just to keep myself from being sad and thinking. I’ll be honest, the first 3 months were so hard. You never really get used to being away from your spouse or sleeping alone at night.

My second deployment was almost 2 years later. Our son was about 9 months old. Dave left to Japan again and I’ll never forget the date. September 11, 2008. A month shy of our baby turning 1. This time I didn’t have it so easy. No second job, just a bunch of quiet time at home with our son and our dog. Due to the time difference our phone calls and time on Skype weren’t too long. At this time I had a job on base teaching at the preschool. There were times we had no communication at all since he was sent on mini deps where locations were “unknown”.

Now, I can’t stress enough how thankful I am that Dave was never sent to a combat zone. Not everyone can really understand the relief that can bring to a family. Being apart is still so hard regardless. It’s what you make of yourself that counts.

What to do:

– Keep busy
– Build a support system
– Make sure you have a second plan for your family in case you’re ever in an emergency
– Talk about finances with your spouse before hand
– Keep pictures, shirt of your spouses around (for yourself and your kiddos)
– Take advantage of everything the base has to offer (from free movie previews, counseling, holiday parties, bowling centers, churches etc..)
– Make time for yourself. This is more important now than ever (you go from a 2 parent household to just you, you deserve some relaxation)
– If your children are old enough ask about Deployment counseling for children
– Keep your children active, make a schedule, stick to it
– Send care packages, all the time!

What not to do:

– Keep your frustrations to yourself
– Lock yourself up at home all day
– Guilt your spouse. It’s just as hard for them as it is for you, if not more

Everyday won’t be easy. Not every Thank You you’ll get from strangers who learn of your situation will make you feel better. Sleeping alone will suck and not knowing if your spouse is safe always will drive you nuts. Not every nice comment will cheer you up and somedays you will feel like not even getting out of bed.
Keep in mind, your spouse loves what they do, they do it for your family and the families of random strangers. They are a hero no matter how minimal their job is and every hero has their team of people who have their backs. You are part of that team.
So share with me, if you are a military family how do you cope with seperations? What makes it easier? What do you miss the most while your spouse is gone?
Find out more about me and my family at http://worldofhazeleyes.blogspot.com/
Thank you Kelli for allowing me the honor to be a guest blogger!

Wow, Joann, thank you for sacrificing so much for our safety and well-being, and for a very helpful and honest blog post. I am truly honored to have you write for me. This is Joann’s first guest post so give her some love!

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Filed Under: family, marriage, old {and young} wives tales
About Kelli Hays

Kelli Hays is a wife, mother, writer, and friend. She has been blogging since 2008 and loves sharing inspiration for the everyday woman!

Comments

  1. Bliss says
    January 31, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Nice post Joann. The list you made is smart advice for all of us even non military families, at any time there is a separation or a loss. My oldest is done with his service as a Marine, but I watched his sadness with a completely aching heart myself when his deployment orders came and his baby was only a few months old. The physical sacrifices our hero’s make are easy to see, but no one should forget about the emotional ones that are not as visible.

    ~Bliss~

  2. Heather Goodwill says
    January 31, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    I often have a hard time relating to my military friends as I struggle with how to support them! Thank you for sharing your perspective! I pray that it helps me become a better support system to them!

  3. Cake Memoirs says
    January 31, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    Beautiful post Joann, it got me thinking not to take for granted that my husband comes home at night and I don’t have to go without him. THanks for this insight.

  4. Kelli@morebangforyourbucks says
    February 3, 2012 at 1:58 am

    So true, Bliss. This post made me so thankful for our military families. They give up SO much.

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