How your Marriage *Can* Survive a Storm

With so many marriages- even Christian ones- falling apart, how can we protect our marriage when tough times hit?

I wanted to share today something I wrote several years ago but is so applicable today. 

When couples stand before their friends and families on their wedding day and pledge to love one another “for better or for worse,” they’re probably not thinking that the “for worse” times will come to pass. However, it is sure that all of us will have to weather some kind of storm at some time in our marriages.

wedding watermark

we were babies! we had no idea what life would bring us :)

As many of you know, the morning after our firstborn Landon’s birth, our pediatrician came in to tell us that some of his blood work came back abnormal. The next few weeks were a whirlwind of a ten-day NICU stay, doctors visits (in a city three hours away), lab draws, and worry. Add to that the lack of sleep that comes with a newborn and recovering from a c-section and it easily could have put a huge strain on our marriage. It was a very painful time, but God really used all of those hours to fuse our hearts even more tightly together.

That wasn’t our last storm either. Almost 5 years ago we lost our son Canaan’s identical twin early in pregnancy. I think about that precious little one I won’t meet until Heaven all the time. And there will be more storms in our lives. Learning how to navigate them together is vital.

If you find yourself in the midst of a storm, here are three practices to help you come out with a not only a surviving, but a thriving, marriage:
Wedding rings hanging on rope over wooden background. Vintage image.

Wedding rings hanging on rope over wooden background. Vintage image.

1.) Do not blame each other.
It is certainly true that there are situations where one spouse is truly responsible for the storm {affairs, racking up major credit card bills to the detriment of your credit, etc.} but I’m speaking about the things that come about in life naturally. If your spouse loses his job due to company cutbacks, be very intentional to be encouraging to him. His ego is probably already punctured and deflated- he doesn’t need for his wife to add to the injury. (PS this is easier said than done)
2.) Together, allow God to be your comforter.
If you are going through something truly difficult, you obviously will lean on each other, but there will most likely come a moment when you are both so weak that you just can’t be the rock for one another.

Ben was so strong through our son Landon’s diagnosis until the day of his surgery. I will never forget when the surgeon came out to talk to us, Ben slid to the floor and sobbed. I was almost in a daze- seeing my strong man like that. I knew at that point that although Ben served as an awesome protector for our family, he simply couldn’t protect us from everything- we would have to look to God for that role.

3.) Allow other people to help you as well.
We are not meant to live isolated lives! In the book of Acts in the early church, we see church members readily helping one another. The help of others was amazing during our time of need. They brought food, they cried with us, they helped us financially, they generally loved on us in an amazing way.

Along the lines of facing a storm, I wrote a book a few years ago called His Grace is Enough: Looking for God’s comfort in times of Trial. It’s our story in more detail, plus the stories of many other women who have endured unspeakable hardship, including the mother of one of the victims of the Texas A&M bonfire in 1999. These women’s strength and faith is such a blessing to me.

If you’d like to pick up a copy, you can get it on Amazon here. (If you have Kindle unlimited, you can borrow it for free!)

If you’re facing a trial right now, it would be my privilege to pray for you. Please e-mail me ( and let me know how I can pray.

grace and peace,


Your marriage can survive a storm! Here are 3 practices that have gotten us through several trials.

About Kelli Hays

Kelli Hays is a wife, mother, writer, and friend. She has been blogging since 2008 and loves sharing inspiration for the everyday woman!