Marriage Monday: Are you (a woman) Addicted to P*rn?

Note: Today is the first offering in my new series, Marriage Monday. I’m starting with a doozy so hang on tight!

You might be confused by the title- aren’t most people that are addicted to p*rn of the male variety? I would venture to say that yes, that the majority of those that look at inappropriate images are in fact, men. But. There is another kind of p*rn that isn’t being discussed a whole lot among Christian women- racy romance novels.

It’s no secret around here- I love to read. A lot. I took a break from fiction books during Lent, but on our vacation a few weeks ago I picked up a few to read. One of the authors I had not read before so I texted a friend, “Have you read so and so? Is her writing decent?” That friend hadn’t read her books either, so I bought the book because the story line looked fantastic.

marriage monday

Well it ended up being $10 not well spent. I read the first several chapters without a problem but then one day I opened  it up at the beach and bam! A very racy, very detailed scene. I immediately shut the book and didn’t open it again.

Some of you may think I’m crazy. What does a book harm? There are no pictures, and I’m certainly not having an affair.

BUT. A woman’s affections are stirred by words. It’s why we crave to hear, “I love you” from our husbands during intimate times, whereas he is more likely stirred by looking at you. I don’t want to be stirred romantically by ANYONE except my husband.

This is what the Bible teaches in Psalm 101:3: “I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it.”

Ouuuuuch. I’ve always thought this verse a good one to filter our TV watching through. But it also applies to books and magazines.

A graphically s*xual novel for a woman is what p*rn is for a man.

It just is. I once heard a female acquaintance say, “I don’t read books unless there are lots of sex scenes in it.” Um, what? First of all, there is so much good literature out there that I can’t imagine dismissing a book because of it’s lack of s*x. But it’s also like a man saying, “I’m not watching TV unless there are naked women in it.” I somehow don’t think this would go over well with this acquaintance.

I wish I could say I’d never read a book that contained inappropriate content. But going forward, this is an issue that I want settled in my heart. My husband and I want to both pursue holiness in our marriage, and this is one way I can do this. (why oh why can’t books have ratings like TV shows?!?)

Somehow, women have glossed over raunchy novels and turned the reading of them into a perfectly acceptable behavior, when they obviously would be hurt by their husband’s looking at porn. (As they should be, and many thousands of women ARE hurt by this epidemic.)

Women, we can’t expect our marriages to flourish if we are constantly reading about other people’s intimate lives. We can’t hold our husbands to a higher standard than we hold ourselves.

Listen, I know there are LOTS of good books out there that just mention s*x. I don’t live in a cave; I know  it happens. But there is a distinction in mentioning it briefly and describing in great minutiae every single detail.

The two questions I ask myself are this:

1.) would I want my daughter reading this as a young woman?

2.) would I want my husband watching these scenes acted out?

If the answer is no, I don’t read it.

And good news! There are so many books that are well-written and won’t lead your mind down paths it doesn’t need to tread. (Here are some here.)

What are your thoughts on this? Please keep your comments respectful. :) 

marriage monday 2

About Kelli Hays

Kelli Hays is a wife, mother, writer, and friend. She has been blogging since 2008 and loves sharing inspiration for the everyday woman!


  1. […] the other parts of this series (so far!) here: Are you Addicted to….? and A Terrible, No Good, Very Bad […]