old {and young} wives’ tales: encouraging others in marriage: Part Three- Getting to Know Your Spouse

You may remember my friend Nikki from her post in November during my Move It Move It series. She is a wonderful writer and blogs at Christian by Association. When I started my series on marriage, Nikki immediately popped into my mind to ask as a guest blogger. She graciously agreed and sent me one post right away, then a few days ago sent the one you’ll read below. When I read this one, it really convicted me and I wanted to share it with you. Please prayerfully read this and ask God to help you see what you can do to improve your marriage. 

I’m a very impulsive person. A week doesn’t go by that my husband doesn’t hear me say, “I have an idea!” More often than not the idea that I’m pondering is a life-changing one. Only slightly less often it’s a world-changer. I’ve had ideas on how we could strike it rich, ideas for revolutionary inventions, even a few ideas on how we could achieve total world domination (OK, maybe not the last one). The problem is that while I’m a really great starter, I’m a terrible finisher.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that I have never finished anything. Not one single project has seen completion; they’re sitting right where I started them. At some point in the early stages of my endeavors I either get bored or I just realize what a silly, unrealistic idea it was to begin with and I quit. It’s a very frustrating way to be, especially for my husband.

Well, three days ago I finished my first project. I started it excited, and I finished it excited. It’s a big deal for me, and I’m really stinkin’ proud, but more than that I’m learning a very simple, but very key lesson. The key to success in anything in life is just putting in the time.

Now, if you’re thinking, “Well, duh,” then congratulations, you’re much quicker and much wiser than I am. I, on the other hand, generally need to learn things the hard way. When this hit me I was astounded by the implications. The key to success in physical fitness is putting in the time at the gym, there’s no miracle diet or pill. The key to success in education is putting in the time in your studies. The key to success in your relationship with the Lord is putting in the time on your knees and in the Word. Now we come to the focus of this post. The key to a successful marriage is putting in the time with your Honey.

Ours is a society that thrives on convenience. We want to be able to drive-thru, order off of a menu, and have everything put right in our hands. We’re willing to dish out whatever amount of money it takes to get what we want, as long as it can be delivered in a flash. Unfortunately, that really doesn’t work with anything but cheeseburgers. If there’s a diet pill that will make you lose 40 pounds overnight, there’s a pretty good chance that it will kill you in the end. Anything worth doing in life is going to take some time. It’s going to take commitment and it’s going to take perseverance.

That means making your husband a priority. I understand a busy schedule, I know how easy it is to push the Hubster to the back burner because everything else is urgent or unavoidable. I know it’s tough, but regardless of what phase of life you’re in or how important you are, your marriage should absolutely be your top priority. Cut back on your activities and put in the time with your husband.

One of the best things I have ever done for my marriage is learning to like football. Why? Because my husband loves it, and I didn’t want to spend the next 50 years yelling at him to turn off the television. Now, I can honestly say that sitting with my husband and watching a game is enjoyable for me. It’s not something I would ever do on my own, but it’s taken something that could have meant years of silly fights and turned it into great quality time.

I’m amazed at how many couples we know who have completely ceased to pursue their relationships with one another. Instead they’re Mom and Dad, not husband and wife; not friends; not lovers; just parents. This isn’t good. Marriage is hard work; it’s not something we can just laze through. It’s not
going to maintain itself and it’s not going to improve without your help. I promise, the harder you work at it the sweeter it’s going to be.

So, here’s my challenge to each of you, throw out the “3 Steps to a Quick and Easy Marriage” books, clear some time off your calendars, and spend some time focusing on your marriage. Love him, pamper him, and if you haven’t already, get to know him. I promise that you will never regret the time you’ve put into your marriage, but you will certainly miss it when it’s gone. So, get off the computer and go love on your man!

Thanks Nikki! What excellent advice. Getting off the computer now to spend time with my man! :)

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About Kelli Hays

Kelli Hays is a wife, mother, writer, and friend. She has been blogging since 2008 and loves sharing inspiration for the everyday woman!


  1. What a wonderful post, full of insight. You are actually wise beyond your married years! Oh, and now that you have discovered how good starting and finishing is…. don’t stop, I mean till it’s done.